I had never heard the term limerence before reading this chapter, but once reading about it I have certainly experienced it. I totally understood the story of the girl on page 21 who felt like nothing could bring her down - whatever happened would be wonderful. I remember meeting my husband and feeling the same way for a while. Just being with him - no matter what we did - was great - I even enjoyed football and would watch it all day on Sunday with him. My friends and I call this the honeymoon period - total bliss.
I found the perception of the limerent object interesting, the idea of love is blind it very true, I am have experience it and many of my friends have too. It is easier to see someone else go through this than yourself, I hadn't seen it until the relationship ended. I think that in the beginning you want so much for the other person to be "the one" that you tend to just see the positive and the negative doesn't affect your thoughts of the future with this person. I believe this is a form of idealization rather than crystallization (not sure).
Most people say "they just knew" rather than "I feel limerence". I feel that it is an emotion or feeling that is very difficult to explain and I feel that the author did a great job at doing so. I wouldn't say that it is something that is obsessive but it certainly is intrusive and can be persistent. It is not unwanted, even if you would like to be able to concentrate on something important at work, you like daydreaming about the LO.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Davis, Chapter 6, Obsessive Sex and Love
I think obsessive sex is dependent on what one perceives as obsessive. One person may think that having sex five times a month is considered often, while another may consider five times a week often. Everyone has a different idea of what sex means to them so while one may think it is obsessive to have sex with many partners, another may think it is obsessive to only have sex with one person (in terms of being obsessed with that person). Davis talks about where it is you draw the line between normal and abnormal sex - in the past it seems as though people depended on manuals to tell them what was normal and abnormal - rather than what they really wanted and thought was normal themselves.
When I think of people in the late 1800's and early 1900's I think of them as being rather prude, or mabey not as openminded about sex as people are today. In reading about the early thoughts of sexuality, even the first use of the word, I am amazaed at how much has changed in the past one hundred and twenty years. The impression in the past appears to be that sex made a good marriage, was to be between a man and a woman, and about the other person rather than yourself (mostly for females). We certainly have come a long way.
I could care less about other people's sex life, I agree with the National Sex Forum who states "as long as people konw what they are doing, feel good about it, and don't harm others, anything goes." I don't think anyone should judge what another does or who they do it with. I believe sex is tied into our emotions because it is such a personal act so it is hard for me to view it in a scientific sense. That being said, I do appreciate research and studies that are done in regard to sexuality. If not for these it would be more difficult to gadge people who have sexual addictions, are codependent or be aware of complexes such as the Casanova Complex. If research wasn't done we might have more stalkers on the loose, people are able to get help now. It might be a good thing that researching sexuality is a new obsesession.
When I think of people in the late 1800's and early 1900's I think of them as being rather prude, or mabey not as openminded about sex as people are today. In reading about the early thoughts of sexuality, even the first use of the word, I am amazaed at how much has changed in the past one hundred and twenty years. The impression in the past appears to be that sex made a good marriage, was to be between a man and a woman, and about the other person rather than yourself (mostly for females). We certainly have come a long way.
I could care less about other people's sex life, I agree with the National Sex Forum who states "as long as people konw what they are doing, feel good about it, and don't harm others, anything goes." I don't think anyone should judge what another does or who they do it with. I believe sex is tied into our emotions because it is such a personal act so it is hard for me to view it in a scientific sense. That being said, I do appreciate research and studies that are done in regard to sexuality. If not for these it would be more difficult to gadge people who have sexual addictions, are codependent or be aware of complexes such as the Casanova Complex. If research wasn't done we might have more stalkers on the loose, people are able to get help now. It might be a good thing that researching sexuality is a new obsesession.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
The Possession
We have all been through a break-up where we thought about the other person for a while and we all have "crazy" thoughts after a break-up. Even though this woman did the breaking-up, she hated seeing her ex with someone else. On p. 48 she talks about how she wanted her ex to forget about the other woman and how she wants to hurt him. I can totally relate to her thoughts. It is difficult to see an ex happily in a relationship while you are alone. Regardless of whether you break up with your partner or vice versa, it is equally painful to have someone who was such a part of your life suddenly not be there. The author knows that she is "obsessed" and does try to stop herself from thinking about the other woman. She only allows herself to think about it at night almost as a reward for not thinking about her during the day. The woman is so upset and angry she wants to shoot the woman and screan bitch at her, but who is she really angry with.
I also related to the author when she talks about how her ex said he was just thinking of her, she hears that he wasn't thinking of her the rest of the time. When you want something so badly, you hear what you want to hear. She gets herself more upset by manipulating what he said into what she imagined he meant. She feels the need to "decode" what he says.
At the end the author realizes that she needs to move on and that the situation is bad for her. She realizes that she can stop her possession herself, that it is up to her. I give her credit for realizing that she needed to move on, some people never do.
Even though that book gives the impression that she is obsessed with the new girlfriend, I feel she is obsessed with her ex's new relationship. The author already knows what she needs to about her ex, so when she is trying to find out about the other woman, she is also finding out about her ex - where he might be, what he might be doing, etc.
I also related to the author when she talks about how her ex said he was just thinking of her, she hears that he wasn't thinking of her the rest of the time. When you want something so badly, you hear what you want to hear. She gets herself more upset by manipulating what he said into what she imagined he meant. She feels the need to "decode" what he says.
At the end the author realizes that she needs to move on and that the situation is bad for her. She realizes that she can stop her possession herself, that it is up to her. I give her credit for realizing that she needed to move on, some people never do.
Even though that book gives the impression that she is obsessed with the new girlfriend, I feel she is obsessed with her ex's new relationship. The author already knows what she needs to about her ex, so when she is trying to find out about the other woman, she is also finding out about her ex - where he might be, what he might be doing, etc.
Triangulating Love
I had never thought about emotions and love in such a "clinical" way before, but yet it made sense. I think Sternberg's three components of love all have equal importance and validity. I feel that to be in a relationship one must be able to give all three components to their partner, or the "triangle" will fall apart. As much as I agree with Sternberg, I still found it odd to read about love in such a way - almost as if there is a formula. I believe there are different classifications of love and I think Sternberg does a good job of describing them. I can honestly say that I have feelings for an ex-boyfriend of mine, but I am not in love with him. I haven't seen him in a while and I am now married with a child, but if I passed him on the street today I would probably feel flushed and my heart rate would go up. I can say that I love him and I wish him well, but I don't have intimacy feelings for him. I think my feelings presently are just based on fond memories of the past.
One would think that love should be easy but as we all know from our own experiences and from Sternberg's chapter, it is the opposite. Love can be easy, but it can also be complicated, painful and stressful.
One would think that love should be easy but as we all know from our own experiences and from Sternberg's chapter, it is the opposite. Love can be easy, but it can also be complicated, painful and stressful.
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