Rewind, Replay, Repeat. A Memoir of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

After reading about Jeff's experience with OCD, I have realized how little I know about this disorder.  I feel that the term OCD is thrown around in society today but people really have no idea what it means or how dibilitating it can be, including myself.  I can't begin to understand how Jeff could not stop thinking about damaging the boat, even after talking to the owners who could have cared less.  Most of us would have walked away glad to not have to pay for damages and never thought about it again.  How could this scenerio take over his life.  I guess the answer stems from his childhood and always wanting to please his father. 

Poor Jeff knows that his obsession with the boat is destructive and not normal but he can't help himself.  I didn't realize that this disorder could take over someone's entire life.  I thought it was something that someone always did, like never stepping on a crack or folding papers a certian way.   I was actually surprised to read that Jeff spent literally hours in his car at the marina, spent many of his work hours thinking about the situation, stayed up all night thinking and even brought his daughter to the marina.  It is sad that he actually had his daughter stay out in the rain as a sort of disguise for him to hid his disorder.  I have obsessed about things in the past, for instance, I may have regretted saying something and for a few days, four or five times a day, I would think about what I said, but then eventually I would forget about it.  I thought I obsessed until I read Jeff's experience. 

I find OCD self-destructive, I understand it is an uncontroled situation for the person suffering from it, but what I don't understand is how it takes over their lives.  Jeff says that the marina was becoming like a prison, but he continued to go. Jeff kept this disorder to himself and on the outside seemed like a normal person while he suffered tremendously on the inside.  What a burden to bear!  How tiresome it must be to keep the obsession private and not tell your family about it.  Why did he bother going to the psychiatrist if he wasn't going to be honest with him.  Mabey he was hoping it would give him an excuse or stop the voices (doubt) that he heard.  The more he thinks about the boat the worse he feels, but he seems too scared to discuss his disorder honestly with a doctor who may be able to help him.  He truly needs help - the obsession with getting a prior girlfriend pregnant, even though they never had sex actually seemed a bit ridiculous to me.  He even admitted that it was far fetched, but he can't help himself........